No matter how carefully you write your profile or messages, and even if you spend hours, days, or weeks planning the perfect date, you have no control over another person’s emotions.Trying to rigidly control the outcome in romantic situations is likely to just make you seem rigid and controlling, which are not very attractive qualities.So why not just go to a club and get lost in the atmosphere, see what happened? I don’t want to get a random pill off a stranger in some dodgy toilets, but I do want to just see what happens if I…just discard the rules. See what happens if I do something daring.’I spent my days lying on the floor of his bedsit, applying for 40 jobs a day, attending interviews on the little cash the Job Centre trickled my way and getting rejected, eating poor quality, cheap food, because it was all I could afford, and wondering if it would ever get better.The school of thought I was tapping into without realising is commonly known as the ‘F*** it’ philosophy, which has a very simple rule of thumb. Ignore what everyone is telling you and live your life the way you want to. Parkin wrote a book on this philosophy, stating that we can find real freedom by realising that things don’t matter that much – if at all. I wanted to move forward with my life, make progress, and achieve my dreams – but I also didn’t find it hard to let go when I was greeted with setbacks, rejections, and bad luck.Imagine the drivers are eager to go when the light turns green, but the traffic cop is oblivious.What if he keeps blowing that whistle, waving his arms, insisting everyone obey his will?On the other hand, when we helpfully take the reins in someone else’s life because we can see where they are going wrong, their initial gratitude reinforces our caretaking behavior, rewarding it and inspiring us to keep going on that path, doing more and more for others, and less and less for our own dreams.A rooky cop might get so wrapped up in stopping that lane, waving on others, blowing the whistle, watching all four corners of the intersection, that he might not notice immediately when the signals are working again.
She sat opposite me, put her bag on the seat next to her, and took her hat off. But are your words saying one thing and your actions saying another? I think we’re all guilty of holding on to an ex for too long.Maybe it’s because you refuse to believe it, or maybe it’s just because you still think you should be together. When something ends, it should stay ended—for both of your sakes.They want things to be done in a certain way and in order for that to happen they try to choreograph each step of the way.They can spend hours planning and anticipating how to steer the ship of life in the direction they want it to go in.[Read: How to be friends with your ex without any complications] I think I’m in this situation right now, actually.